Judging by the fact that I earn $800 for each visitor I scare, the admission price to this haunted house must be astronomical! But I can’t sit and think about such monetary details — I’ve got a job to do. Even though my pay is amazing, the work is actually quite demanding. I’m in charge of frightening people in four zones of the haunted house, and I’ve got to hastily change my costume to fit the theme of each area. If I try scaring folks with the wrong get-up, the act just doesn’t work. I need to work quickly and intelligently, and I do my best to put on a good show for the paying visitors. At the end of my shift, I’ve scared the pants off a lot of people, earning me a cool $8,800. But there’s no time to sit and count my stack of cash. Instead, I need to head out to my other jobs. There are fish to catch, cows to milk, fabrics to sew, and crops to harvest… and these tasks won’t get finished unless I buckle down and get working.
Tag Archives: Nintendo
Excitebots: Trick Racing (Wii)
Why did I bet so many stars? Not only did I come in last, but I failed to finish within the time limit, meaning that I was awarded no stars at all for my efforts. I guess this is what I get for being so cocky. After finishing first in the last few online races, I thought I was unstoppable, but a whole new group of challengers entered the competition, and I underestimated their skill levels. Truth be told, I was dominating for a big part of the race. But a timing goof on releasing my adorable mouse mech from spinning on a bar was costly and threw off my momentum. From there it all went downhill. I failed to kick the soccer ball into the goal, I missed when I threw the pie at the clown’s face, and every tree seemed to have my name on it. For the last portion of the race, it was nothing but crash, crash, crash. Humiliated, I left the lobby and proceeded to practice the courses a bit more offline. I’ll be back and ready for revenge — and I might just bring the intimidating spider mech, to boot!
WarioWare: Snapped! (Nintendo DSi)
When it’s break time at work that means it’s game time for me. My coworkers are used to seeing me playing my DS or PSP on my lunch breaks, but today is going to be a little different. Instead of passively sitting with a system in my hands, I’m hoping to get in some time with WarioWare: Snapped! Playing the game requires waving and shaking my head, arms, and hands like an idiot, and I’d rather not be on display while doing this. Thankfully, I’m the only one currently in the break room and so I should be able enjoy the game without worry of public humiliation. Well, that was the plan, anyway. As I’m trying to help a cute little dog shake away water by moving my head side-to-side, one of my coworkers walks into the break room and gives me a strange look. “What are you doing?” she inquires. “Oh, I’m playing this game where your body controls what’s happening on screen while a camera takes photos of how stupid you look.” I finish the last microgame then show her the snapshots the game took of me during the play session. My coworker starts laughing at the silly photos then says “You’re weird” before leaving the room.
Aquia (Nintendo DSi)
The tension is really building. This could be the end for my poor scuba diver. He’s trying his best to reach the bottom of the ocean, but I’m not doing my part. It’s not for lack of effort, though. I’m scrambling like crazy to move blocks into place to help him reach his destination sooner. However, as the air runs out, the water gets darker, and for the life of me I can’t see what I’m doing. There are three flashing blocks that I’m supposed to match up to fill up the diver’s air tank, but they’re scattered all over the place and it doesn’t look like I’lll be able to make it in time, especially with the pressure heightened by the pulse-pounding music. It’s getting louder… and louder… and LOUDER… and I can’t take it any more! Aaaaah! No more air! The ocean depths have claimed another victim.
Bonsai Barber (Wii)
Whoops. As the new barber in town, this is certainly not the way to earn the respect of my potential clients. Mr. Stickle the celery stalk came into my shop asking for a “bowler hat” hairdo, and a few stray snips of the scissors later, he’s looking worse than before I started. The good news is he hasn’t seemed to have noticed my mistake yet, so I still have the opportunity to set things right. I grab my spray bottle and give his mop top a few pumps of water. Voila! New foliage sprouts almost instantly. Now to shape it. I make sure to take extra precaution with my scissors and trim his leafy mane into just the shape he requested. He seems pleased with the results, but I decide to add just a bit of pizazz in the form of color. A dash of red, a streak of white… now he’s truly styling. Mr. Stickle is almost jumping out of the chair with glee and he gives me the highest honor a barber can hope for: a five star rating! If I keep this up my barber shop will be booming with business in no time.
Pit Crew Panic! (Wii)
From the pit we don’t have any real view of the course, but judging from the strange vehicles that keep rolling in for repairs, this may very well be the weirdest race ever. Luckily, my crew consists of six hardworking women who seem to live for me giving them directions about what parts of the racers they should fix. Without warning a massive toilet pulls into the pit and the ladies stand at the ready as the await my orders. I waste no time in divvying up the duties and my crew quickly and efficiently gets the toilet back in tip-top condition. The toilet speeds off to rejoin the race and we barely have a moment to catch our breath before a huge flowerpot on wheels zooms into the pit. A pit crew’s work is never done, it seems.
Pokémon Pearl (Nintendo DS)
Returning to the world of Sinnoh after a long hiatus reminds me not only of just how much I love this place, but that there is unfinished business here. I still need to battle one more gym leader and finally move on to face the Elite Four. Either I’ve forgotten how to be a great trainer or my Pokémon have gotten lazy in my absence. Either way, we’re having trouble with some of the challengers we’ve faced on our way to Sunyshore City to face its gym leader, Volkner. My Pokémon seem woefully underpowered, so I guess it’s going to take a lot of battling to whip these guys into shape. I walk up to a potential opponent and soon our Pokémon are facing off against one another. Here we go again…
Drill Dozer (Game Boy Advance)
“What’s that?” I’m supposed to be on my break, relaxing my mind from the stress that comes with working with the public, and here is one of my coworkers bothering me. Can’t she see I have headphones in and am playing a game? But I humor her since she means well. “This is my Game Boy Micro.” She asks another question and I only hear half of it. My attention is centered on guiding Jill and her adorable mech suit to the bottom of a giant missile headed deep into the Earth’s core so as to stop it from wreaking havoc. My coworker is still looking at me. Damn it. I smile and give some general response. But she doesn’t let up. I think she’s telling me something about how it’s time for her to go home. Good! Go already! Back in the game, Jill’s running low on time and I’m furiously directing her to drill as fast as she can and reach the bottom of the missile before time runs out. Jill was alloted three minutes to complete the task, and now there’s only about thirty seconds left. But my focus is broken once again by yet more unsolicited conversation. My coworker says she’ll see me tomorrow. I give an obligatory smile and utter something polite in return. In the process I let Jill down. We’re out of time and the missile’s progress has not been halted. Now I’ll have to wait until my next break to try again.
Tetris Attack (Game Boy)
Our favorite thrift store on a Saturday afternoon is, as always, a complete zoo. After circling the parking lot for about five minutes, we finally find a spot and soon we’re inside the store. My son and I head over to the electronics counter and scour the wall of goodies. There is only one clerk on duty and she’s busy showing a man a chainsaw. He’s taking forever to look at it and I’m starting to feel impatient. Finally he decides not to buy it, hands it back to the clerk, and she turns to me. I ask her to show me a basket filled with old games and proceed to dig my way through it, looking for anything interesting. When all seems lost, I finally come across a very clean copy of Tetris Attack and I decide to buy it. My wife, meanwhile, has found an amazing play rug as well as a Thomas the Tank Engine kids chair. We make our way home with our treasures and before long I’m on Yoshi’s Island, moving blocks around to make them disappear before they reach the top of the screen. Why would someone part with this? At least this charming little cartridge has gone to a good home!
Excite Truck (Wii)
The relentless guitar is nearly deafening. Chug chug CHUG. Chug chug CHUG. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chug CHUG CHUG. But for an unexpected moment its barking lets up. My truck just jettisoned off a ramp and is now soaring high above the track. The perpetual guitar riffing fades away and the sound of the wind can be heard. Everything is peaceful up here. Before long, however, the ground gets closer until soon enough my truck’s wheels hit the dirt and I continue to barrel forward. Chug chug CHUG. Chug chug CHUG. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chug CHUG CHUG. It’s full speed ahead for both the truck and the guitar.
Mister Raroo: Moments 