Help Wanted (Wii)

Judging by the fact that I earn $800 for each visitor I scare, the admission price to this haunted house must be astronomical! But I can’t sit and think about such monetary details — I’ve got a job to do. Even though my pay is amazing, the work is actually quite demanding. I’m in charge of frightening people in four zones of the haunted house, and I’ve got to hastily change my costume to fit the theme of each area. If I try scaring folks with the wrong get-up, the act just doesn’t work. I need to work quickly and intelligently, and I do my best to put on a good show for the paying visitors. At the end of my shift, I’ve scared the pants off a lot of people, earning me a cool $8,800. But there’s no time to sit and count my stack of cash. Instead, I need to head out to my other jobs. There are fish to catch, cows to milk, fabrics to sew, and crops to harvest… and these tasks won’t get finished unless I buckle down and get working.

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Excitebots: Trick Racing (Wii)

Why did I bet so many stars? Not only did I come in last, but I failed to finish within the time limit, meaning that I was awarded no stars at all for my efforts. I guess this is what I get for being so cocky. After finishing first in the last few online races, I thought I was unstoppable, but a whole new group of challengers entered the competition, and I underestimated their skill levels. Truth be told, I was dominating for a big part of the race. But a timing goof on releasing my adorable mouse mech from spinning on a bar was costly and threw off my momentum. From there it all went downhill. I failed to kick the soccer ball into the goal, I missed when I threw the pie at the clown’s face, and every tree seemed to have my name on it. For the last portion of the race, it was nothing but crash, crash, crash. Humiliated, I left the lobby and proceeded to practice the courses a bit more offline. I’ll be back and ready for revenge — and I might just bring the intimidating spider mech, to boot!

Street Fighter IV (XBox 360)

Is this guy for real? Ryu’s faced some strange opponents in his day, but Rufus may just take the cake as the oddest of the bunch. He talks a big game, too, and his outfit is awfully bizarre. It’s hard to believe someone with such a massive gut has what it takes to compete against a World Warrior like Ryu. Rufus isn’t backing down, and in fact he seems pretty confident in his abilities. This should be interesting. The round begins and Rufus comes out swinging… and spinning. What a freak! Ryu hangs back for a few moments to gauge his opponent before moving in for the attack. Surprisingly, Rufus puts up more of a challenge than anyone would’ve figured, but he doesn’t have enough ability to match Ryu’s experience and skill. Keep practicing, Rufus, and perhaps one day you’ll be able to compete at this level… and you may want to lay off the snacks, too!

SNK vs. Capcom: The Match of the Millennium (Neo Geo Pocket Color)

Geese Howard is not happy with what he is seeing. Ryu has been advancing through the ranks of the fighting tournament with ease. It’s time for Geese to put an end to this.  Kyo Kusanagi is quickly deployed to Ryu’s homeland of Japan to handle things. Kyo finds Ryu busy practicing for his next bout and issues a challenge. Before the two square off, they provide one another with a brief display of the energy coursing through their bodies. Ryu has never faced anyone like Kyo before, and the combat proves challenging, but after a fierce battle Kyo lays at Ryu’s feet. Geese’s plans may have been thwarted for now, but Ryu has a feeling he hasn’t heard the last from him.

WarioWare: Snapped! (Nintendo DSi)

When it’s break time at work that means it’s game time for me. My coworkers are used to seeing me playing my DS or PSP on my lunch breaks, but today is going to be a little different. Instead of passively sitting with a system in my hands, I’m hoping to get in some time with WarioWare: Snapped! Playing the game requires waving and shaking my head, arms, and hands like an idiot, and I’d rather not be on display while doing this. Thankfully, I’m the only one currently in the break room and so I should be able enjoy the game without worry of public humiliation. Well, that was the plan, anyway. As I’m trying to help a cute little dog shake away water by moving my head side-to-side, one of my coworkers walks into the break room and gives me a strange look. “What are you doing?” she inquires. “Oh, I’m playing this game where your body controls what’s happening on screen while a camera takes photos of how stupid you look.” I finish the last microgame then show her the snapshots the game took of me during the play session. My coworker starts laughing at the silly photos then says “You’re weird” before leaving the room.

Aquia (Nintendo DSi)

The tension is really building. This could be the end for my poor scuba diver. He’s trying his best to reach the bottom of the ocean, but I’m not doing my part. It’s not for lack of effort, though. I’m scrambling like crazy to move blocks into place to help him reach his destination sooner. However, as the air runs out, the water gets darker, and for the life of me I can’t see what I’m doing. There are three flashing blocks that I’m supposed to match up to fill up the diver’s air tank, but they’re scattered all over the place and it doesn’t look like I’lll be able to make it in time, especially with the pressure heightened by the pulse-pounding music. It’s getting louder… and louder… and LOUDER… and I can’t take it any more! Aaaaah! No more air! The ocean depths have claimed another victim.