Cadillacs and Dinosaurs (Arcade)

Not one, not two, but three portly adversaries barrel toward Mustapha. Like a prized bullfighter, he stylishly steps aside and watches as they miss their mark. Mustapha grabs the closest combatant — decked out in a ridiculous pastel purple t-shirt and blue jeans — and hurls him at his two comrades.

After a comical moment of rotund gents falling over one another in confusion, Mustapha finishes them off with a few of his signature flying kicks. Before moving on, he knocks over a suit of armor and collects the gold that was stashed inside. Bonus!

Ghouls ‘N Ghosts (Arcade)

The rough weather is really picking up. Arthur pushes forward, but something doesn’t seem quite right. It’s as if the wind is possessed by devils. Agility was never his strong suit, and before long a particularly nasty gust knocks his armor away. Decked out in nothing more than his heart-patterned boxer shorts, Arthur struggles to duck and dodge the oncoming barrage. Sadly, his best efforts are not enough, and within moments all that is left of our fearless hero is a pile of bones.

Monster Hunter 3 Ultimate (Nintendo 3DS/Wii U)

Damn it, I don’t have time for this nonsense. Normally I just try to ignore those annoying Melynx, but now one of them has stolen something important from me. Well, he asked for it. My hammer comes crashing down on his head, stopping him dead in his tracks. I’ve recovered my item, but now the thief’s companions are closing in on me. Big mistake. Within seconds my weapon fells them both. Hopefully those jerks have learned a lesson today, though I doubt it.

Dead Rising 2: Case Zero (XBox 360)

It doesn’t take long before I figure out why so many zombies are swarming around the van: There’s a man up there and they can’t wait to sink their teeth into him. He notices me and desperately calls for help. I’m wary to stick my neck out for someone else, but I guess it’s his lucky day because I’m feeling generous. Even though there are too many zombies to count, my spiked bat quickly thins the crowd. The man introduces himself as Dick Jones and informs me he runs the town’s pawn shop. He beckons me to follow him. Pawn shop? Hmmm, saving him might have been a smart move after all. We navigate through a sea of undead and reach the storefront. Dick unlocks the door and we hustle inside. Just as I’d hoped, the pawn shop is a treasure trove. I spy all manner of weaponry, a part I need for my motorcycle, and even precious Zombrex. But, living up to his name, Dick won’t let me take anything unless I pay for it. This is the thanks I get for saving his life?! I should’ve just left well enough alone and allowed the zombies to have their feast.

Street Fighter IV (XBox 360)

Is this guy for real? Ryu’s faced some strange opponents in his day, but Rufus may just take the cake as the oddest of the bunch. He talks a big game, too, and his outfit is awfully bizarre. It’s hard to believe someone with such a massive gut has what it takes to compete against a World Warrior like Ryu. Rufus isn’t backing down, and in fact he seems pretty confident in his abilities. This should be interesting. The round begins and Rufus comes out swinging… and spinning. What a freak! Ryu hangs back for a few moments to gauge his opponent before moving in for the attack. Surprisingly, Rufus puts up more of a challenge than anyone would’ve figured, but he doesn’t have enough ability to match Ryu’s experience and skill. Keep practicing, Rufus, and perhaps one day you’ll be able to compete at this level… and you may want to lay off the snacks, too!

SNK vs. Capcom: The Match of the Millennium (Neo Geo Pocket Color)

Geese Howard is not happy with what he is seeing. Ryu has been advancing through the ranks of the fighting tournament with ease. It’s time for Geese to put an end to this.  Kyo Kusanagi is quickly deployed to Ryu’s homeland of Japan to handle things. Kyo finds Ryu busy practicing for his next bout and issues a challenge. Before the two square off, they provide one another with a brief display of the energy coursing through their bodies. Ryu has never faced anyone like Kyo before, and the combat proves challenging, but after a fierce battle Kyo lays at Ryu’s feet. Geese’s plans may have been thwarted for now, but Ryu has a feeling he hasn’t heard the last from him.

Gotcha Force (Gamecube)

A massive airship darkens the sky above while a fierce, dual sword-wielding menace embroidered with a massive skull on its chest unleashes a direct assault toward my mech. Thankfully, my robotic warrior is equipped to handle just such an attack. Armed with a formidable chainsaw and a machine gun-like laser cannon, my mech dashes just out of reach of its pursuer before doubling back with a damaging counterattack. In the blink of an eye the challenger falls, but another quickly takes its place and brings forth a volley of projectiles. The battle is certainly epic, but a nearby soccer ball towers above the action as a reminder of the scale of the combatants. Nevertheless, the size of the fighters does not equate to the intensity of the combat, and the war rages on.