Super Smash Bros. for Wii U (Wii U)

Little Mac winds up, ready to strike. As he channels power to his fists, a bellow pours from his lungs, increasing in intensity with each passing moment. If Bayonetta doesn’t take action, she’s toast.

Right on cue, Mac charges forward with crushing force, hell-bent on clearing the path in front of him and knocking all adversaries far out of sight. Unfortunately, he’s never faced a witch before.

Bayonetta laughs and flips backward, her movements impressively precise. Amazingly, the passage of time grinds to a crawl. Mac fails to connect with anything, leaving him right where Bayonetta wants him.

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Ridge Racers 2 (PSP)

It never fails that when I ride the trolley to work I end up sitting near some weirdo. Today is no different. But thankfully I have my PSP with me and before long I’m swept away into the fast-paced world of Ridge Racers 2. My car is drifting through a particularly difficult curve, but soon I pull out ahead of the other racers thanks to a blast of nitrous. Overhead a plane is making its descent toward the runway and for a moment I lose focus and slam into a wall. “You just crashed!” exclaims the announcer. Thanks, I hadn’t noticed. Just as I finish the race (in third place thanks to my careless driving) the trolley pulls into my stop and I hop off and make my way to work.

Soul Calibur IV (XBox 360)

Incense smoke fills the air of the temple and makes it hard to concentrate upon the battle at hand. Mitsurugi is looking more peeved than ever, and before him stands the strangest combatant he’s ever laid eyes upon. His foe is only half his size, has green skin, and yields an odd sword of light. What the hell is this weird little goblin? Outside the temple soldiers on horseback ride down the hillside toward war, but Mitsurugi doesn’t notice. He’s too focused on just how the heck he’s going to chop this bizarre creature down to size… er, so to speak.

Noby Noby Boy (Playstation 3)

Just a minute ago she was sitting atop me as if I were some type of amusement park attraction. Now she’s been gobbled up and is somewhere inside me. Everyone nearby ran in horror after witnessing this sight, but they need not worry about any harm coming to her. In fact, just moments later she’s blasted out of my rear end with a humorous sound. It doesn’t take long for the woman to regain her composure and in just a few moments she’s riding on my back once again. That’s just plain rude. I weave my way through a jungle gym, which causes her to fall off. I open my mouth and she’s back inside me, where she’ll stay put until I’m convinced she’s learned her lesson.