Whoops. As the new barber in town, this is certainly not the way to earn the respect of my potential clients. Mr. Stickle the celery stalk came into my shop asking for a “bowler hat” hairdo, and a few stray snips of the scissors later, he’s looking worse than before I started. The good news is he hasn’t seemed to have noticed my mistake yet, so I still have the opportunity to set things right. I grab my spray bottle and give his mop top a few pumps of water. Voila! New foliage sprouts almost instantly. Now to shape it. I make sure to take extra precaution with my scissors and trim his leafy mane into just the shape he requested. He seems pleased with the results, but I decide to add just a bit of pizazz in the form of color. A dash of red, a streak of white… now he’s truly styling. Mr. Stickle is almost jumping out of the chair with glee and he gives me the highest honor a barber can hope for: a five star rating! If I keep this up my barber shop will be booming with business in no time.
From the pit we don’t have any real view of the course, but judging from the strange vehicles that keep rolling in for repairs, this may very well be the weirdest race ever. Luckily, my crew consists of six hardworking women who seem to live for me giving them directions about what parts of the racers they should fix. Without warning a massive toilet pulls into the pit and the ladies stand at the ready as the await my orders. I waste no time in divvying up the duties and my crew quickly and efficiently gets the toilet back in tip-top condition. The toilet speeds off to rejoin the race and we barely have a moment to catch our breath before a huge flowerpot on wheels zooms into the pit. A pit crew’s work is never done, it seems.
The relentless guitar is nearly deafening. Chug chug CHUG. Chug chug CHUG. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chug CHUG CHUG. But for an unexpected moment its barking lets up. My truck just jettisoned off a ramp and is now soaring high above the track. The perpetual guitar riffing fades away and the sound of the wind can be heard. Everything is peaceful up here. Before long, however, the ground gets closer until soon enough my truck’s wheels hit the dirt and I continue to barrel forward. Chug chug CHUG. Chug chug CHUG. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chug CHUG CHUG. It’s full speed ahead for both the truck and the guitar.
Opoona the Ranger has been assigned to patrol a nearby mine in order to keep it free from monsters. However, he’s standing behind a counter at Eat Everyday taking orders. The current customer has asked for popcorn, minestrone soup, and eel sushi, and Opoona is scrambling to fulfil the order quickly and accurately. Should he impress the manager, not only will Opoona earn his pay, but he may improve the chances of getting an assignment at the Blue Desert Hotel, where there is a man who can help him get his Miner’s License. As a Ranger assigned to patrol the mine, a Miner’s License would come in very handy. But for now Opoona needs to focus and make sure not to goof up any of the customers’ orders.
It’s near the beginning of the game and I’m already stuck. A mouse in the office has demanded Swiss cheese in return for the phone he stole. Looking in the closet, I see a massive pile of cheese, but none of it is Swiss. As I’m struggling to figure out what to do, my wife sits down next to me and watches me play. After hearing a few minutes of the dialogue she says, “This is corny.” At that point she gets up and heads to the other room to play with our son. I focus back on the game, and soon it dawns upon me that I should shoot holes in the cheese with a pistol. Problem solved. But the “corny” comment sticks in my mind. A few minutes later I turn off the Wii and go play with my wife and son.